TNF 50 Miler Take Two

Today, after my second 50 miler, I woke-up surprisingly early with stiff heels and a sore right arm (damn water bottle). Otherwise, I felt pretty darn good, physically at least. Mentally, I had a bit of the typical post race blues, doubts, and so I did laundry, cleaned, walked, and sat in a hot tub. But, I hate that anticlimactic feeling after an ultra or any big race for that matter.

There is no doubt I gave all of what I could yesterday at the North Face 50. I’ve never wanted to give up so bad and yet still make it close to another 24 miles. I literally felt like my body couldn’t go any further, but somehow it carried on through mud and up climbs. Even a ¼ mile to the finish I thought that was it, I need to be carried. But, I somehow kept putting one foot in front of another. There is no doubt that my pacer, John Burton, and crew, Will Gotthardt, helped me keep the forward momentum. My favorite line from John yesterday was, “never make a decision going uphill.” After hearing this and running a good descent, I started shaking my head and crying at mile 32. I was done. Will said, “it’s always your decision Caitlin.” And on that note, I grabbed my water bottle and GU and started running. I have no idea why. And that’s how it kept going until the finish (with a touch more crying, cursing, and walking).

I still don’t know how I made it. But, I did. So where did this leave me? Happily in forth, amazed that I had pushed through, stunned that I had actually made it to the finish line, and a little melancholy too. I didn’t want to just make it to the finish line, but I had to work with my body and just follow its lead. I do wish that I could have felt better even though I am not sure it would have kept me running with Emelie Forsberg and Stephanie Howe (congrats ladies!). Maybe I’ll get another day to try.

Then again, I’ve got some thinking to do about ultras, just not sure my heart is in them. 50ks are one thing, but there is a reason that it took me three years to do my second 50 miler. And why I still vow that I’ll never in my lifetime do another 100k (my non-running friends are holding me to that). I guess I’d really love to love them, but deep in my heart, I kind of wish I was just a really good hurdler or 10ker. But, I’m not.  So where does this leave me? A little bit uncertain about what I’m doing and what I want to be doing. But, I am not going to make any decisions right now. Sometimes things need some time, just got to make it up those hills to figure it out.

All and all, it was my hardest race to date, but it will make me stronger for races to come. I was thrilled to reconnect with folks from the ultra community and it was really amazing to run with an impressive field of women. I hope the sport keeps moving in that direction because if I had to pick, I’d like to be doing more races with mud (maybe a touch less than yesterday), hills, and single tracks (missed them yesterday).

The descent before mile 32.
Photo courtesy of San Francisco Running Company. 

Second time into Muir.
Photo courtesy of Rick Gaston.

Happy to be done.
Looking forward to that for 24 f'n miles!
Photo courtesy of San Francisco Running Company.