Thursday, July 30, 2009

Changes


It is crazy how quickly things can change. Let me start with the good, I am feeling physically way better. I was able to run today and I have absolutely no pain when walking, getting out of bed, sneezing, etc. There is still a little bit of glute tenderness when running every now and again, mainly just some small residue, but it is for sure on its way out. My plan is to see how I feel tomorrow, but most likely, I'll be heading up to Squaw to race 3.6 miles uphill. The shortest race I've done since high school, should be interesting!

Ok on the not so great side, I went to teach yoga today and afterwards I talked with Alice, the owner of Loka Yoga. I had some doubts about writing anything in my blog. But, I think it is fair to share why I am no longer teaching there as well as express some frustration. Her main point was that she thinks I am spreading myself too thin. I can see how an outsider may see that especially with all my interests, but I live a really balanced life, one that I am really proud of in fact. Her feelings were that if I have different focuses that I will never be great at any particular thing. Again, I disagree. When I was a senior in high school I thought I wanted to be a writer. My creative writing teacher said it is better to study other things because experience is what makes a great writer, not studying writing. Of course it is a balance, but I believe everything I do enhances everything. They make me whole, well rounded, and not on a path of single mindedness. So, it was rather upsetting to have her project this on me when she has not even talked to me about my life in months. But moving on, the next projection was brief and more of an insinuation, she basically claimed that I am not a spiritual yoga instructor and that I come from a more physical aspect. Most folks come to yoga initially for the physical aspect and than eventually it can become spiritual. I by no means dump spirituality on to people nor do I teach power chatarangas or sit-ups. I try to connect people with their breath and body because this relationship is ultimately spiritual and deeper than anything I can say or project. Again upsetting when she has not observed my class in over a year. And lastly, her feelings were that she wanted teachers whose vocation is to teach yoga and yoga only. No argument there, I have too many other things that inspire me and honestly yoga alone could not sustain me. So, maybe that was her main point. Anyway I left the yoga studio in tears, handed off my key, and basically don't want to step foot into that place again. Maybe that is because I am upset right now, but maybe not.

In tears and after several conversations with friends, I spent some time thinking. I don't think it is healthy to put all our energy into one thing. One thing whether it be running, work, family, etc will never sustain our lives. And maybe for some people, one thing is good, and then again maybe not. I know I have several interests and I know they will always be in flux. Life is always changing, our bodies are always moving, our minds are always discovering, which is beautiful. That being said, I do strive to do my best and give my heart to the things in my life. Looks like I'll be giving it in other avenues and places, which is beautiful as well. And, I know I am upset right now, but I think yoga (the physical kind) is what triggered the glute shit to begin with. The good news is I have 5 extra hours in my week. Looks like I can take more photos, run, write, and look for some place to teach where I can just be me even with all my interests.

10 comments:

willgotthardt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Drs. Cynthia and David said...

Glad to hear you are feeling better. I've had a lot of glut medius/maximus and piriformis issues in the last year. The acute phase always seems to resolve in a few weeks with some maintenance work required thereafter (stretching and strengthening to keep things in balance). It's always something though...

As for teaching yoga, maybe you could go out on your own- teach your own way, make your own path. As a young woman, your former boss may have wanted to lord over you and put you down. I suspect you threatened her in some ways. I never liked have a boss anyway, so I have enjoyed having my own practice. Maybe you would too. At least you have that option.

Good luck wtih your race! And I love your photos.

Cynthia

David Ray said...

Their loss.

Glad the injury is better. Have a great run on the mountain.

I'm looking forward to more pictures with all that free time. :)

Jim T. said...

Change is good. It brings on new experiences, relationships & growth. It is all for the better.

Charlie said...

Hi Caitlin,
I stumbled onto your blog through the LaSportiva team page. I've enjoyed reading the little bit that I have so far. I'm sorry to hear about your boss passing judgement on you when she seems to know very little about you. I agree with you completely that it is un-healthy to have one focus in life. Even most doctors, who devote thier lives to their field have some other focus as an outlet. Whether it be running or building model ships inside glass bottles, its important to keep our minds busy with a variety of stimuli. Good luck to you. I'm sure your extra 5 hours/ week will be occupied with more of your current hobbies, or you'll find another interest to fill the time with.

Luis Velasquez said...

Oh Caitlin, you have no idea how much I can relate to your feelings. I hope you find a place that will appreciate you for what you are about.

I hope you are doing well and coping.. Hell, don't look back, don't be angry or take it personally. Life is short, no need to spend your time dealing with places like these.

Cheers

Luis

Buzz said...

Those are surprising comments from the studio owner. Quite non-yogic. I don't agree with the "many things are best" idea, nor disagree; what's best is to be in touch with your unique authentic self, and then manifest it, whatever it may be.

I also suspect her sense of self was threatened by yours.

Squaw should be good! Uphill races are by far the easiest on your body (counter-intuitive but true). Just gotta breathe a lot. Jupiter Peak the next weekend will be the workout.

Sean Lang said...

Caitlin sorry to hear about the Yoga, but i know you will find a creative outlet for your extra free time!

It's interesting because I have also noticed a split between the exercise inspired and spiritual inspired Yoga.

Personally I find I like both, and it seems like you were teaching the "middle path" which probably applies to most people.

Namaste!

Sean

Jordan (Diane for you pre-2003 folks) said...

Caitlin I am glad you let some tears go as there is a lot to grieve fom hurtful words and severed bonds. Additionally there is much to celebrate: you are claiming yourself and your path which is hard to do in our culture. You are recognizing how your own strength and beauty are fed. A tough bump but you seem to be handling it with grace. Looking forward to seeing you! Be back from Ireland Friday.

Dave - Atlanta Trails said...

I was upset when I first read your note. Everything your former boss said was so contradictory to everything I associate with yoga (balance, self-awareness, etc.). That clearly wasn't the right place.

Hope this closed door opens up new opportunities for you.