Thursday, July 30, 2009
It is crazy how quickly things can change. Let me start with the good, I am feeling physically way better. I was able to run today and I have absolutely no pain when walking, getting out of bed, sneezing, etc. There is still a little bit of glute tenderness when running every now and again, mainly just some small residue, but it is for sure on its way out. My plan is to see how I feel tomorrow, but most likely, I'll be heading up to Squaw to race 3.6 miles uphill. The shortest race I've done since high school, should be interesting!
Ok on the not so great side, I went to teach yoga today and afterwards I talked with Alice, the owner of Loka Yoga. I had some doubts about writing anything in my blog. But, I think it is fair to share why I am no longer teaching there as well as express some frustration. Her main point was that she thinks I am spreading myself too thin. I can see how an outsider may see that especially with all my interests, but I live a really balanced life, one that I am really proud of in fact. Her feelings were that if I have different focuses that I will never be great at any particular thing. Again, I disagree. When I was a senior in high school I thought I wanted to be a writer. My creative writing teacher said it is better to study other things because experience is what makes a great writer, not studying writing. Of course it is a balance, but I believe everything I do enhances everything. They make me whole, well rounded, and not on a path of single mindedness. So, it was rather upsetting to have her project this on me when she has not even talked to me about my life in months. But moving on, the next projection was brief and more of an insinuation, she basically claimed that I am not a spiritual yoga instructor and that I come from a more physical aspect. Most folks come to yoga initially for the physical aspect and than eventually it can become spiritual. I by no means dump spirituality on to people nor do I teach power chatarangas or sit-ups. I try to connect people with their breath and body because this relationship is ultimately spiritual and deeper than anything I can say or project. Again upsetting when she has not observed my class in over a year. And lastly, her feelings were that she wanted teachers whose vocation is to teach yoga and yoga only. No argument there, I have too many other things that inspire me and honestly yoga alone could not sustain me. So, maybe that was her main point. Anyway I left the yoga studio in tears, handed off my key, and basically don't want to step foot into that place again. Maybe that is because I am upset right now, but maybe not.
In tears and after several conversations with friends, I spent some time thinking. I don't think it is healthy to put all our energy into one thing. One thing whether it be running, work, family, etc will never sustain our lives. And maybe for some people, one thing is good, and then again maybe not. I know I have several interests and I know they will always be in flux. Life is always changing, our bodies are always moving, our minds are always discovering, which is beautiful. That being said, I do strive to do my best and give my heart to the things in my life. Looks like I'll be giving it in other avenues and places, which is beautiful as well. And, I know I am upset right now, but I think yoga (the physical kind) is what triggered the glute shit to begin with. The good news is I have 5 extra hours in my week. Looks like I can take more photos, run, write, and look for some place to teach where I can just be me even with all my interests.