Blahs...

I hate the blahs. I've grown to learn they have a way of appearing prior to a race. All I want to do in the week leading up to a race is eat and sleep, sometimes cry. On my runs I typically feel slow as hell. Overall I tend to feel like a lazy slob and worry about being out of shape for the race. But I've also learned that this is how my body prepares, so that race day I am rested, fueled, and energetic. It still sucks getting the blahs. At least it is temporary. Tomorrows race should prove to be the cure.

Yesterday I realized that I needed to fucking knock off the blahs. Saw the chiropractor in the am, did some pilates, yoga, got a massage, went to the city, picked up my race stuff, met Kara Goucher rather randomly, watched a play, and woke-up in a much better mood. Today I decided with my bit of anxiety that I would take a yoga class. It was the best thing ever, not because of the physical aspect, but because it made me mentally relax. The teacher started talking about the drive to be perfect, our human desire to achieve a goal, to achieve the spectacular, but maybe spectacular is simpler. Maybe spectacular is tying our shoelaces, laughing, smiling. Maybe it is seeing how we are already perfect. Seeing that no matter how many races we run, how fast we run them that it is the challenges during the race that make us the strongest. That it is the experience that makes us alive. That no matter what we know, we can always know a moment when we sink into it, except it, and nourish it. I am not saying goals aren't good, that becoming better isn't good. But there will always be goals, we can always be better, and we shouldn't wait to get somewhere, we should experience every step of our lives. Ultimately we should strive for experiences that allow us to be better people and the finish line will come, and then there will be another, and another, and another... (you get the drift). So where am I going with all this, who knows, maybe just rambling.

I know that I will cross a finish line tomorrow. My goal = to experience every single moment until I get there. In what time, who knows, in what place, who knows. When I get there I will not judge, not be a self-critic, but instead embrace the fact that there will be several other finish lines, many more goals, and in the end accomplishments do not create a better life. Embracing who I am, becoming a better person in every moment, loving people, and experiencing every second even when there are blahs, that creates a better life. And ultimately not trying to be anywhere else than where I am at this very moment. So I guess I am sharing this because people have asked me about my training, what I do, etc. At some point I will put out a sample of a week, but really the one thing I have done consistently for every race this year, I have not set expectations. I just go get lost in the moment. I fall in love with hearing my breath, feeling my heart beating, and enjoying different experiences. More to come...